image only

many times i don't post because i can't think of anything to write. the photo is there, i like it, it says something, but i don't feel like figuring out what to say, so i just leave it in a folder. here's to wordless image posts: (well this one doesn't totally count...since i said something).

i was going to propose: wordless summer...but i don't like rules, and i might want to say something every now and again.

sun showers

well if the rain isn't going to stop, i guess i'll take this

some much needed sunshine

i've been missing the sunshine these days

burning off some energy

 

 

 

baby at the table

cousins

kids wandering during perfect weather, lovely park ceremony

wedding

celebrating Amber and Mike

quiet

i love, love, love quiet.

delicious quiet.

ps. Thank you fellow moms on your support from the honest mom post. I was a little hesitant to post from my journal from that day, but then I thought, I can't be the only one. Here's to not feeling alone in our mothering journey.

i still miss her, like one misses a fond memory.

nostalgia

I always dreamed of having a fluffy, white cat when I was a little girl.

recording

recording - these people, these places, who they are, who i am - right now.

it is all in flux. this day. these people. these places. will never feel the same. we grow.

click image to enlarge

honest mom

(continuation of last post)...

I felt sad. Defeated. I just wanted to be alone. And no matter how much alone I tried to get, it just wasn't feeling like enough. I showered. Shaved. Used every scented, exfoliating thing I had in my house. Dried my hair. Put on makeup. It just wasn't enough.

I just can't shake all the mistakes I feel like I make with my first born. The rage rising in him and in me at the height of a fit. Of a power struggle. Do I still carry guilt for not bonding right away, with this little alien creature placed in my arms after the trauma of giving birth? Do I love him enough? Does he feel loved enough? Does he love me enough? Whatever that means. However that can be defined.

Some days it feels like everything falls into place. There we are nose to nose talking about tractors or birds. He's talking a mile a minute. I'm listening. He's full of passion for all that he knows. All that I have taught him. And he does come to me for hugs when he is sad or hurt. So I must be that good place for him to feel comforted and loved.

But sometimes, I just let him down. I let him thrash and scream and spit. And I don't back down. Because, I don't want to have "one of those kids". Because, "I'm going to do everything right". And its painful. And it hurts. And I wonder, am I doing it right?

alone

And I abandoned the peppers I was slicing on the counter. I stepped over that baseball bat in the middle of the lawn. I put my chair right at the back of the yard, nestled between the trees. So that the dappled sunlight could dance on my face and so I could hear the wind blowing through the poplars. It was just what I needed.

weekending

a good end to the weekend.

spring fashion

I could not resist a little bit of Joe Fresh fashion for Maemo this spring/summer. To justify buying new/non-clearance I bought this top in 3T, that will serve as a dress this year and then as a top for the next few years. And the shoes, they were too irresistable. She's always in hand-me-down boy shoes, which is great, because she's normally full of mud in the sandbox. But with a dress, it doesn't always work.