Parenting Dichotomy

Version I

Finger painting seemed like a good idea.--- Maeva didn’t really like it. She just smeared paint all over her baby doll. And then she tried to eat the paint, serves me right for putting an old toothbrush out as a paintbrush. I felt major guilt as Anderson painted himself after my mom had bathed him for me today. Finally, they seemed to be entertaining themselves, so I called a friend. As soon as I got on the phone, two wild monkeys emerged out of the trees and I could barely keep a conversation. I grabbed the little one and headed for refuge inside. Wild monkey boy took the garden hose and sprayed down every window, every sparkling clean window.

Going for a picnic at the beach seemed like a good idea. --- It took me a good hour to pack everything, and the door was barely wide enough for me and two kids, held by the wrists, and six bags of gear (for simple activities like swimming and picnicking).

Swimming seemed like a good idea. --- Wow, is it already almost 6pm, I think, as I get into the car. We arrive at the beach, the sun hides behind a cloud and the wind is nasty. We push forward and swim. And freeze. Muddy, wet, and cold, we try to warm ourselves under our towels. Mud is dripping down my cold, wet leg as I carry the littlest one away from all that sandiness (is that even a word): All that sandiness that is jumping off the ground just to cling to us. Okay, I’ll just get them dressed and then they’ll be warm. Shit, I only packed one damn sweater, and I have two kids. Looks like I’ll have to make a choice. Hmm…who do I like better today? I try to let logic take over and decide to give sweater to younger one, but immediately think, maybe I should have given it to skinnier one. Back to getting them dressed. “Mom, I have to pee!” Bathroom is all the way up there. Bush pee? I think. Then I remember a friend’s Facebook status about bush peeing boys. Up to the bathroom we trudge. I regret that decision, 5 of the 6 toilets haven’t been flushed all day. It stinks in there. I am now all for bush peeing boys and girls, and Mommies too.

We sit at a picnic table to eat. Tomato slices are dropped. The wind blows, our lips are blue and we shiver. I let the kid with no sweater play at the park. Maybe it will warm him up.

Getting our freezing selves home seemed like a good idea. --- Time to leave. He will not listen to me, he will not come to the car. I’m slightly helpless with a stroller holding a toddler and all that luggage, I can’t let go, for it will tip over! I wedge the stroller up against a tree and go in for the chase. I am wearing my too-short bathing suit cover-up that might be mildly appropriate had it been midday in July. But instead it is an August evening, and families are arriving after supper in their sweatpants, ready to play at the park. And when you decide to run in a bathing suit cover up, hot out or not, all bets are off. A not appropriate view of the backs of my thighs ensues. I manage to catch him. He claws at me. And screams. I lift him into the carseat, he bumps his head. I regret not telling my mom that naptime is not an optional afternoon activity. I force a screaming, clawing, biting kid into a car seat. He screams all the way home. I think he almost lost his voice.

My husband, who was supposed to be studying, is in fact now home, and about to indulge in a workout. When I tell him that I’m going to go have a shower to warm up and that he can put the kids to bed while I do that, he looks at me like I’m a wimp and says, “You’re going to take a shower to warm up?” “Yes”, I say, not looking back, as I run up those damn stairs. And I don’t come out until the kids are in bed.

Version II

The sun is shining, it is nice and hot out there…ah summer you’re not gone yet. “Really, we can paint!” as he jumps up and down beaming with excitement. Maeva doesn’t make nearly the mess I thought she would. I love how she carries that doll around, like her best friend. I stripped the kids down before this painting thing, cleanup will be a breeze. I water the flowers; they squeeze in to catch that first bit of bathtub warm water coming out of the hose. Baby doll even gets a little shower.

I pack a healthy picnic dinner, I want to make the most of this last bit of summer. We leave the house in our bathing suits, ready to jump into the water as soon as we arrive. We see a bunch of seagulls in the parking lot and Anderson says, “Look at all those birds, they must be having a party!” I love the things that kids say. I’m also excited about seeing ravens and crows together to really get a feel for their size difference.

I can’t believe how brave they both are as they jump right into the water. It is cold. They have no fear, my little water babies. Anderson has such confidence in the water and gets so much joy from the splashing, the waves, the bobbing and floating. Maeva clings to me, so nice to have my always-on-the-go baby girl hanging on tight. I take in the moment and snuggle her and try to keep her warm. All the finger paint is washed off, I get out of bath duty tonight! While I’m getting Anderson dressed he discovers a toy dinosaur at the bottom of the diaper bag. He is super excited about the dino and is totally distracted from the fact that Maeva is wearing his sweater. He says he can’t wait to share his dinosaur with all the kids at the park. What a sweet boy. Maeva gives me a huge, squished eyes, all teeth bared smile from her stroller, I love that smile. The bands are playing at Summerfest, the sound of the outdoor music carries to our little picnic table, for free.

Sitting there eating, braving the elements a little, it feels like we are camping. I like that feeling. The wind in our wet hair that smells like lake water, like summer. I slice fresh, in season tomatoes and plums. Everyone’s appetite is hearty and I give myself a pat on the back for all this wholesome, unprocessed goodness (save the goldfish that snuck in there)that I packed up just moments earlier. I even brought a little knife and mini wooden cutting board and packed the snacks in glass jars. I am truly awesome!

When Anderson is running away from me, he trips and takes a mild fall, this shorthens the running in a bathing suit cover-up humiliation. The stroller doesn’t tip over! He walks pretty well to the car despite the screaming. We made it through a whole beach outing without little one pooping in her diaper. At least only one kid is giving me a hard time right now. While he is screaming on the way home, my favourite guilty pleasure song comes on, “Super Bass” by Nicki Minaj. Yes, crank er up, now the crying isn’t so bad.

When I tell John that I’m taking a shower to warm up, and he repeats me, he has the good sense to shut up after that. He doesn’t argue, and the kids are indeed in bed when I emerge clean and warm. PS. It’s not like I already had a shower today!